10 Things Your Pastor’s Wife Wants You to Know

10 things your pastor's wife wants you to know, simple truths about her life and her heart that every congregant should understand.

10 things your pastor's wife wants you to know, simple truths about her life and her heart that every congregant should understand.

10 THINGS YOUR PASTOR’S WIFE WANTS YOU TO KNOW

Just some things I thought you might want to know …

  1. Your pastor is just a man.  He will fail.  He will make some bad choices.  He will look back and see how he could have done things differently.
  2. He’s her man.  So when you talk about him and his failings and shortcomings, it hurts her.  Not because she thinks he’s perfect but because she loves him and knows how much it hurts him to know that he doesn’t always shepherd well.
  3. Her kids vacillate between really awesome and really annoying – just like yours.   So, if you would, when they are really annoying, could you give her a hug and refrain from pointing out just how annoying they are?
  4. She’s not perfect.  Not even close.  And every time you or anyone else comments about how together she is or how she does so much, it doesn’t make her feel better … it makes her tired.
  5. She doesn’t have all the answers.  Truthfully,  on any given day, she may not have ANY answers.  Because she asks the same questions you do about why things happen and how to deal with them.
  6. Your hugs and cards and words of encouragement really are golden apples in her life. (Proverbs 25:11)
  7. When you tell her husband what a great job he’s doing, you make her day!
  8. Every time you keep the nursery, bake a cake for a sick family, and introduce yourself to a visitor, you are a reminder to her that she’s not alone in serving others.  (Because sometimes she can get into a big pity party and think she is all by herself.)
  9. She’s approachable!  Ask her to go shopping or out to lunch, invite her to join you at the pool, just reach out to her.
  10. She’s just a girl … just like you.

What is one thing you wish your pastor’s wife knew about you?

23 Replies to “10 Things Your Pastor’s Wife Wants You to Know”

  1. I think we too often put those in ministry {and their spouses} on a pedestal, expecting them to have it all together because they are “in ministry.” It’s healthy to be reminded that they are human, too – fallen sinners in need of a Savior every day. And more than our criticism, they need our prayers and support, because they are the first line of defense to attacks of the devil on our local body.
    Ashley Pichea recently posted…Monday Musings {06.11.12}: Air Zoo, Simplified Summer, Homemade Microwave Popcorn, and more…My Profile

    1. Totally agree, Ashley! Love this: “And more than our criticism, they need our prayers and support, because they are the first line of defense to attacks of the devil on our local body.”

      Imagine how much healthier and vibrant our churches would be if we lived this truth out …

  2. I like these, nice, short and to the point.

  3. Amen, preach it sister! Especially #2 when I’m in the next room.

  4. Brooke McGlothlin (@BrookeWrites) says: Reply

    I just adore you 🙂 Thanks for making “her” human for us. It’s easy to forget and I don’t want to.
    Brooke McGlothlin (@BrookeWrites) recently posted…ten years todayMy Profile

  5. AMEN! These are so good! #2 rings the loudest for me. That’s so hard. I don’t want “constructive criticism” about the sermon, the announcements, or anything else…

    Janna

  6. What great insight Terri! Thank you for sharing… I’ve always admired and respected what a tough job you preacher’s wives have…

  7. LeAnn Hilemon says: Reply

    Oh, thank you! I think I am not the only one who would say that information like this is so helpful to those of us who are not married to pastors but love those women in our lives who are! There certainly are times that I feel like my attempts to reach out to our pastors’ wives (we have several pastors at our church) may come across as me trying to gain some sort of favor with them. So, that would be the one thing I would want our pastors’ wives to know. I just love them and appreciate them so much! Thanks again!

  8. Denise In Bloom says: Reply

    Being a PK I can relate to every part of this post. What my mom has been through in her life, and the pressure as the child of a preacher as well. I love this, and the new feature.

  9. I would add one more that should be understood but often is not. I feel this from the perspective of being a female staff member and a spouse of a staff member.

    She is gifted just like you. Her giftings are not like every other pastor’s wife. So please do not ask her to head up the nursery, run VBS or lead the Women’s Ministry unless of course she is gifted and equipped in these areas. Let God use her they way He has made and gifted her and not in the way your “expect” her to be used.

    1. Oh Lori! Expect a whole post at some point on this very topic. I’m swirling around all kinds of ideas about the types of PWs … so far I’ve got Musical Maggie, Teaching Teri, Sweet Sally, Serving Sarah, Aloof Abby! 🙂

      1. What about Disengaged Debbie & Homeschooling Holly?

        1. Oh … Homeschooling Holly! She’s got lots to say, doesn’t she?? And Disengaged Debbie … her story is hard, filled with hurt and disappointment.

          1. I feel like I might be disengaged Debbie right now 🙁

          2. We’ve all been there!! Praying for you. <3

  10. As the mother of a pastor’s wife, please stop asking her when she plans to have children. If she could, she would. You don’t even provide medical insurance for them, let alone enough for any other services like IVF. Pray for them. It not only hurts them, it hurts their families.

  11. […] 10 Things Your Pastor’s Wife Wants You to Know […]

  12. These are SO good. I’d also add that for a PW, she is pretty much a single mom on Sunday mornings (and during any other church events).

    1. So true … so very, very true! 🙂

    2. Yes!!!!!! I have 6 kids, all 11 and under. Church fellowships are so hard for me. My husband mingles and I tend to kids. We are at a new church now, we started at our last church before we had kids, so I got to know people. We’ve been here a year now and I feel like I know no one!!!! I met a lady on a homeschool group on FB and have become good friends with her. She’s begun coming to this church. So my only close friend in our church is not even a member there. I can’t visit with my husband like I used to because we have no baby sitter (no one wants to watch 6 kids and paying a sitter is a luxury reserved for much needed date nights). We don’t even get holidays as a family because in our new town (3 hours from family), it seems that funerals are held off until a holiday to make it easier for family to come in. I understand it, but every single holiday this year has had a funeral except July 4th, but my husband is at teen camp this week. People look at me crazy when I say I feel like a single mom. I fit in well with my military wife friends though. I’ve even got more moves than them!

      1. I have always had lots of military wife friends … and yes, we do tend to relate to one another’s struggles a lot!!

  13. Thanks for this post! I am getting a late start on being a pastor’s wife and SO want to be an asset to my husband’s work. <3

    Blessings to you and your family~
    Lynne

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