Since March 2011 our family has been through some pretty significant changes and events.
From our niece’s heart transplant to moving back to Alabama as my husband joined the staff of a church here, our life has been filled with ups and downs for the past 18 months. In March of this year, we found out my husband’s brother and sister-in-law were divorcing and the aftermath of that broken marriage continues to affect all of us in ways we could never have imagined.
We had a foreign exchange student and our daughter started middle school last year … both involved increased stress and energy. In the midst of all the big changes, we’ve had the normal day-to-day chaos that seems to mark this 21st century world.
More often than not, I’ve found myself overwhelmed and frustrated. If I’m totally honest, I’ve been pouting. Life has not turned out exactly the way I’d planned. There has been more heartache and sorrow than I ever imagined possible. The dreams I’ve carried since childhood have not always been fulfilled in the ways I would have preferred.
I’ve felt forgotten, unseen, unnoticed, insignificant. And I’ve wallowed there.
One of the questions in Jennifer Rothschild’s newest Bible study, Missing Pieces, is one that has resonated in my heart lately:
God, are You aware?
Aware of how hard this year has been. Aware of how hard I’ve worked and how little success I’ve experienced. Aware of what I’m doing. Aware of how I’m feeling.
Aware of me????
I suspect I’m not the only one who has grappled with these questions, these fears. In fact, I imagine that if you could sit with me at my kitchen table you would share your own doubts and frustrations, your own questions and fears. We’d probably cry a little and hopefully laugh a lot.
But in the end, we’d hold hands and bow heads, offering our doubts and worries and questions to the One who already knows each one. With lumps in our throats and tears in our eyes, we’d whisper our doubts and our faith just as the man who cried, “I believe! Help my unbelief.” We’d lay our cares and burdens at the feet of the One whose eye is on the sparrow … and we’d declare our decision to trust His plan, His time, His way. And as we uttered out that final “Amen,” we’d squeeze each other’s hands and know the peace that comes when He is present.
I’m learning this lesson, slowly but surely, that though I may not feel Him, He is there. Though I may not understand, He is aware. And though I may waver and even wander, He is faithful and sure.
Have you ever found yourself wondering if God was aware of you?
If you are interested in more information about the Missing Pieces study, please visit Jennifer’s website.
Aw, I’m so sorry. For your trials, frustrations. I could tell something was up, but of course had no idea what. You’ve just been on my mind so much this week. That feels weird to me, but I know it shouldn’t; God knew you needed prayer. So I’m praying and sending hugs your way. xo
Shelli Bourque recently posted…how to enter His gates
You, sweet friend, are such a blessing! What a gift to know that God is aware of each detail and gifted me with your prayers … thank you!! xo
Years ago, when I did “Believing God”, Beth Moore has you trace back to the first lie you believe. For me it is “God does not know what is happening to me.” This leads me to a whole slew of self protecting behaviors and fleshy actions.
So my verse – the go to one I cling to is 2 Chronicles 16:9 – “The eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him.”
xoxo sweet girl. He sees you. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
Stacey recently posted…What I Wore
Thank you, sweet Stacey, for sharing that verse with me. You are such a blessing in my life. It’s just joy to count you as a friend! xo
Yes. (That’s all I’m gonna say…cause you know my heart friend) Yes.
@BrookeWrites recently posted…on slingshots, arrows, and spears {or feeling totally unprepared for battle}
I do know … and I’m immeasurably thankful for soul-friends who know me and know my heart as well. xo
I’m sorry the days have been so difficult. My husband has been in ministry for the past 6 1/2 years so I can surely identify with the ups, downs, and difficulties of life in ministry. Our daughter is in eighth grade, and while she excels, school success is a constant, stressful battle. We’ve been married 15 years, and the only thing I’m certain of is that there is a trial coming around the bend at any moment. That surely isn’t a positive statement I know.
Anxiety, depression, and more tears, it seems, than any bottle can hold have passed through my life. I wish I could say that I’ve been an overcomer through Christ, but I can’t. Some days are still tinged with darkness, yet I can say that Christ has held onto me through storms of hopelessness. My faith, that I once was so certain of and dedicated to has been battered…I am truly grateful for the mustard seed that remains to sustain me. We are asured of the trials and the Lord’s presence through the fight. It is to that which I cling.
I will be praying for you. Please pray that intimacy within my relationship with Jesus will be renewed and strengthened.
Oh dear one, I shall be praying for you … He is faithful! I know that. But I can understand the battered faith of which you speak as well. So thankful that we can rely on His faithfulness.
Hmmm … I think I may slip into thinking He is aware, but He has hid head turned. Thanks for the reminder that He doesn’t. Ever. I’ve done some asking, “Did you see that?!?!” this year too. So thankful that He IS aware, and that helps me know I can let go and trust “that” is okay … even good.
Yes, Julie, so true!
“More often than not, I’ve found myself overwhelmed and frustrated. If I’m totally honest, I’ve been pouting. Life has not turned out exactly the way I’d planned. There has been more heartache and sorrow than I ever imagined possible. The dreams I’ve carried since childhood have not always been fulfilled in the ways I would have preferred.” How well I understand. I have walked in similar shoes: it would take a book to tell you all the things I have learned and all the questions I have asked God. Moreover, I think, no – I know, there are times I have pouted. However, I can also tell you about times of inexpressible joy, when the hours were darkest. God D O E S not let us go.
Thank you, Deborah, for your kind words of encouragement. I know this is a season and that He is faithful … but the days somehow seem so long right now.