I was thinking about the day they let you bring that eight-pound wad of beautiful baby girl home. You and Scott fought that morning, remember? You were upset because you had to wear maternity clothes home. He said you were beautiful and that it was time to go. You cried.
You didn’t really know why you were crying but you just couldn’t stop. Every nerve ending tingled with more emotion than you could name. Every synapse in your brain was firing a thousand thoughts of fear and dread and insecurity and doubt. Every beat of your heart pounded with love for this child, your daughter, named for the hope of good plans (Jeremiah 29:11).
I want you to know that all of those fears were – and are! – okay. Being a mom is a huge job and it ought to scare you, at least a little bit. You are after all the molder of dreams and shaper of hearts. God knew – and knows – that sometimes you are going to mess it all up. He knew – and knows – you have no idea what you are doing. Your fears are real and He understands them. He isn’t asking you to ignore your fears … He’s asking you to trust Him with them.
That day wasn’t the last day you’d cry for reasons you couldn’t describe or articulate. But those tears, just like every one you have let loose since, have been captured by Him.
You did manage to get in the car with that little girl and you were still on edge when you got back to that little house on Wilson Lake Shores. Everyone wanted you to be happy, to smile, and to push the fear aside. You tried … but you couldn’t do it.
You learned a lesson that day and I hope you haven’t forgotten it:
Lean in to the fear because when you do, it will push you into the refuge of the Father.
Your girl is growing up faster than you like and, while they have new incarnations, the fears remain. Being a mom is scary sometimes. Share those fears, let other people in. But most of all – keep leaning into Him!