Book Review: Why Her? by Nicki Koziarz

Alternatively titled: That time I had a “Come to Jesus” meeting because of a book …

So one of my favorite parts of this writing/blogging thing is the opportunity to review books.  It’s a great gig — publishers send you free books and you get to tell the world what you think.  

 A few months ago, I requested a book I’d been wanting to read, Why Her? 6 Truths We Need to Hear When Measuring Up Leaves Us Falling Behind.   The book arrived from the lovely folks at B&H Publishing a few days later and I anxiously opened it up to start reading.  I made it to page twelve before I started crying.  {true story}

Comparison is a battle to see whose truth—ours or God’s—we’ll allow to rule our thoughts and actions.

page 12

Turns out, I wasn’t excited about reading the book after all.

I underlined the sentence. And then set the book down — for two months.

I wish I could say that I had a longing to finish the book, to figure out why that sentence had been so gut-wrenching for me. But the truth is, I already knew. I was listening to my truth. And my truth wasn’t lining up very well with God’s truth. I needed a kick in the pants … but I wasn’t actually all that interested in getting back on track.  Turns out, the intersection of “Why Her?” Avenue and “It’s not Fair!” Boulevard was a pretty comfortable place for the pity party I was having.

I finally picked the book back up and basically cried and confessed my way through its pages. 

Each of the six questions Nicki posed revealed a specific place in my heart and mind where I was leaning into my own version of truth instead of trusting God’s Word and his goodness.

The first question, “Why Her?” is an invitation to this truth: You need to be honest. 

I wasn’t being honest with myself when I was denying the very real feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and frustration in my life. I had to give words to the reality of what was going on so I could experience the hope I was longing for. 

Honesty about the source of our comparison issues can lead us toward behind hopeful again. Admitting the situations we face each day that try to make us feel less-than is an important first step—recognizing them as soon as possible, calling them out before they take root and spiral into a lifestyle. Being honest enough to call out comparison the moment it happens will help us regain our control of it.

page 27

Moving Forward Isn’t Easy

It wasn’t an easy read for me. And the journey toward truth wasn’t without it’s own heartache.  The truth is, I’m not there yet. Just today I was bemoaning all the opportunities I wasn’t getting.  I was comparing my story to others and decided mine was lacking.

But here’s what I did … I called it what it was. Comparison. And I admitted my competitive spirit and my lack of gratitude and I confessed, yet again, how very much I need Jesus to do the work of changing me because I do a terrible job of trying to change myself.

There’s an ultimate goal for each of us today: More and more like Jesus. Less and less like anyone else.

page 204 

That’s the last thing I underlined in the book … and it’s the thing I want most to remember.  Because it’s true, right? The goal is to just look more like Jesus every day.  And I can never do that if I’m always looking at someone else.

The goal is to just look more like Jesus every day.  And I can never do that if I'm always looking at someone else. Click To Tweet

If you struggle with comparison or feeling less than or left out, I highly recommend Nicki’s book. She’s not judgy or mean … in fact, it really just feels like you’re sitting next to someone who loves you enough to tell you the truth and hug you while she’s doing it.

So tell me, do you struggle with comparison? How do you realign your heart when it gets focused on anything other than Jesus?


Teri Lynne

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