So often people look at me and they THINK they know who I am. After all, I married a man called by God into His ministry … I must be a super-holy, deeply spiritual person.
Some people think I must have a beautiful voice, be an excellent pianist, and love teaching toddlers in Sunday School.
Others imagine I am a gifted Bible teacher who bakes fresh bread every day and rises at 4 a.m. to pray for each church member by name.
Still there are some who believe my home is always immaculate and I never lose my temper or feel jealous, inadequate, or tired.
And, to be honest, there are days when any one or two of those things might be true about me … but there are never days when they all are.
I’M JUST A GIRL … AN OPEN LETTER FROM A PASTOR’S WIFE
This is what I wish you could see.
- I’m just a girl like you who wants someone to say they like my new haircut.
- I’m just a person like you who is painfully aware of my shortcomings (and doesn’t need them pointed out!).
- I’m just a mom like you who wishes I knew how to handle every situation with my children but spends most of my life wondering if I’m scarring them forever.
- I’m just a wife like you who loves her husband but wishes he’d pick up his socks and towel instead of leaving them in the floor.
Most days my life look much like yours … I struggle to find adequate time for prayer and Bible study in the midst of helping with homework, doing laundry, and trying to fix a dinner that is nutritious, inexpensive and everyone will at least try. I wonder why the cleaning fairy never manages to end up at my house, who drank the last of the milk and put the empty carton back in the fridge, and where all my forks have disappeared to. I have a never-ending “To Do” list that always gets lost in the frantic pace of carpools, dance and school, church activities, and grocery shopping.
Most days I don’t do many “spiritual” things … I’m a wife, a mom, a church member, a community volunteer, an employee, and the list goes on ~ just like it does for you. And there are days when I feel very inadequate for every one of those roles.
Sometimes I wish you could just spend the day with me … so we could talk about how hard it is to raise Godly children in today’s world, so we could share how much we long for marriages that reflect Christ’s love for the church, so we could cry over the failures in our past and find joy in the God who takes all our mistakes and molds them into something beautiful to His glory.
The truth is … I need you. I need friends who will window shop with me and enjoy a triple grande flat white (just in case you ever wonder what I order at coffee shops!) as we stroll through stores we could never afford. I need prayer warriors who will hold my arms when I can no longer raise them on my own. I need fellowship and friendship. I need someone who doesn’t need details but whose shoulder can bear my tears.
And you should know this … every note you send to say that you appreciate me or my husband, every time you say how much you enjoy having my child in your Sunday School class, every time you give me a hug and say that you love me … that all matters! I may not always be able to tell you why your timing is perfect but God has used you!
Next time you look at me and think, “She’s too busy,” or “What could we ever have in common?” or “I can’t be myself with her, she’s the pastor’s wife!” PLEASE toss that thought away!!
Yes, my life is full and the seasons of our life may be very different but there is room in my heart for relationships. And I’ve got no illusions that anyone is perfect … I look in the mirror every morning and am reminded of that very truth. But I would cherish time to get to know you.
So, go ahead … invite me to coffee, suggest a new shop I might like, pick up the phone and give me a call.
Yeah, I’m married to the pastor. And yeah, my life is different because of that. But the bottom line … I’m just a girl, just like you.