Dear Weary Mom, You Are Chosen!

 “I wish she was my mom.  She’s so much fun.”

It’s the death blow on a mom’s heart.  I’d love to laugh it off and say every child feels that way at some point.  That may well be true.  But even if it is, it doesn’t take the sting out of knowing my child feels that way.

I want to be her first choice.

I want to be the mom she would choose if she could.  I want to be the fun mom, the wise mom, the caring mom, the always-amazing mom. But I’m really not. I’m the mom who regrets something from almost every day. I’m the mom who yelled when she should have retreated. I’m the mom who fussed when she should have laughed. I’m the mom who sees what isn’t done instead of what is. I’m not the fun mom and definitely not the always-amazing mom.

I want to be her first choice. I want to be the mom she would choose if she could. I want to be the fun mom, the wise mom, the caring mom, the always-amazing mom. But I'm really not. I'm the mom who regrets something from almost every day. I'm the mom who yelled when she should have retreated. I'm the mom who fussed when she should have laughed. I'm the mom who sees what isn't done instead of what is. I'm not the fun mom and definitely not the always-amazing mom.

Some days, I’m pretty sure the only thing my girl and I could agree about is this: I’m the dud mom. You know, the firework that doesn’t go off.  The stale cookie left in the bottom of the package.  The flat soda left in the bottle.  The dud.  The one that could have been spectacular, should have been amazing … but wasn’t.

I was reading about a woman recently who probably understood this feeling of being a dud.  She was no one’s first choice.  In fact, her dad tricked someone into marrying her.  Her younger sister was the beautiful one, the amazing one, the shining star.  She was plain, nothing special, nothing spectacular.   And her husband, the one tricked into marrying her, was highly disappointed when he figured out the scam.

Maybe you’ve heard of her?  Leah … of the original “Days of our Lives” soap-opera love triangle — Jacob, Rachel, and Leah.  Poor Leah.  Scripture says, “Leah’s eyes were weak, but Rachel was beautiful in form and appearance” {Genesis 29:17}.  I’m guessing this is not the preferred manner of identifying oneself, even in the patriarchal times.  “Hi, I’m Leah and I have weak eyes.”

Remember the story? Jacob worked seven years to earn Rachel as his wife but at the last second Laban, father of the brides, pulled the old switcheroo and sent Leah into the bridal tent.  Jacob was furious but agreed to work another seven years for Rachel.   In fact, Scripture tells us, “(Jacob) loved Rachel more than Leah” {Genesis 29:30}.

Can you imagine how Leah felt?  What it must have been like to so clearly NOT be chosen.

She bore Jacob six sons out of a desire to be loved by him.  So desperate was her desire to be chosen that she bought a night of intimacy with her husband {Genesis 30:16}.  It’s really a very sad story.  As one who is blessed to have a husband who loves me passionately, I cannot fully comprehend the magnitude of feeling unwanted, unchosen.

Until … my daughter’s words cut deep into my heart, reminding me that sometimes she would choose someone different if she could.  I know, it’s teenage angst and I shouldn’t take it personally.  I suppose I don’t, not really.  But in those moments, when the words slash across my heart, I can’t help but admit it makes me sad.

Maybe you’ve been dealing with some wounding words lately around your house too.  Maybe those words have cut deep and left some scars. Can you hear these words from the Father’s heart to yours?

I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore, I have drawn you with lovingkindness.  {Jeremiah 31:3}

You, dear weary mom, sweet one who is worn out from the battle, worn thin from the fight, you are loved.  The Father who created you, who knew you and your child before time began, He chooses you!  Rest in that when the days are long and the nights are restless.  Know you are chosen, loved with an everlasting love.

Choosing hope,

Teri Lynne

{linking up with some incredible moms who believe hope trumps weariness every single time}

Dear Weary Mom www.terilynneunderwood.com/blog

7 Replies to “Dear Weary Mom, You Are Chosen!”

  1. I needed to hear this, Teri Lynne. No, my son hasn’t told me (yet) that he wishes someone else was his mom, but sometimes his disrespectful attitude wears my heart out. Makes me wonder if someone else WAS his mom maybe they’d know how to change his attitude. It’s those times that I have to remind myself that we prayed fervently for this child, and God knew exactly who he would be when He gave him to us. So obviously He knew that we could handle this parenting thing. But only if we stayed on our face before Him! 🙂

    1. Yes, that, Heather! It’s our knees where the battle is fought and won … and I’m finding it’s in my own heart more than in my girl’s. Parenting her is revealing holes and weaknesses and walls I didn’t know were there. But slowly, the Lord is doing the hard work of refining ME … and maybe that’s really the point anyway?

  2. Lisha Epperson says: Reply

    hello Terri Lynne, visiting from Hope for the Weary Mom linkup! Well ofcourse the second post I read is the second on this topic…the challenge of the mother daughter relationship. I have a pre-teen daughter who is gifted in pulling all my strings, clearly wanting me and pushing me away at the same time, rising up against me in hopes of presenting her inner woman. Sometimes I know not what to do. From silence, to bitter words of frustration I am kept on my face before the throne as I pray for guidance to Shepard the heart of this otherwise brilliant, beautiful Jesus loving girl. Your post reminds me that I am just perfect for this job..Her mother. Chosen by Him. Equipped by Him,that’s me.

    1. We’re a weary little sisterhood, we mothers of daughters!! It seems the older she gets, the harder fought the battles are. But the Father is so gracious to keep reminding me He has chosen me for her and her for me … and these days of keeping quiet and speaking out are part of the refining. {And her daddy is a pretty amazing guy too which really really helps!!}

  3. I had an experience today that reminds me as many times as I ever wished my mom was different, she is the only mom I want now. I was going through some old costume jewelry, because it is just taking up space. However, I found myself tearing up as I saw earrings I remember her wearing; and, I am a sixty something. Yes, the words hurt when a daughter says something like that, but it’s because she is human. Growing up and mothering is hard sometimes.

  4. Thank you for your faithfulness and your honesty. You are ministering to many. I have 3 amazing children and one of them (grown) has not spoken to me in 3 years. This will be a tough week. Her birthday is Friday. She will turn 23. Events and holidays are hard. I am holding on to hope and praying every day. Your words have helped.

  5. […] case it wasn’t already — ha!} that I don’t have it all together.  I’m not just the dud mom who regularly runs out of awesome,  I’m also the lazy mom who has trusted my daughter will […]

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