When Hard Conversations Open the Door to Really Good Ones

Keep having those hard conversations, sweet mom! Because one day you'll find they have laid the foundation for some really good conversations!

Sometimes being the mom of a teenage girl is the coolest thing ever. Like when we plan a Netflix binge of One Tree Hill or when we spend a few hours shopping for shoes. But then there are the other 6.5 days of the week when it’s just plain hard.

The past few months have been full of all the hard stuff. And I need to say here and now — I did not handle most of it well at all. In fact, I pretty much bombed. I yelled when I should have prayed. I fought against my girl rather than for her. I was disappointed and embarrassed by some of her actions. If I’m really honest about it all, I was just mad at her.

And, the truth is, I was pretty mad at God too.

Sweet mom, have you ever been mad at God? Yeah, me too! Click To Tweet

We had done everything we were supposed to do as parents. We hadn’t been perfect but we’d followed all the plans that promised our child would turn out right. And somehow, she ended up being, well, human.

I’m not sure why that shocked me so much. Her momma is pretty human too.

Have the hard conversations.

We’ve had some incredibly hard conversations around here in 2016. Conversations about trust and consequences and integrity. These are topics we’ve covered countless times over the years — but now, we have a new landscape for the discussions. Before we were able to frame them in the context of having our trust … now we have to talk about rebuilding it.

If I say it has been anything less than the most gut-wrenching few months, I’d be lying. I’ve prayed and I’ve cried and I’ve ached. I’ve clung to Scripture and to the Lord in a whole new way. I’ve felt the weight of condemnation from the enemy who wants me to believe I really am the worst mom ever. And I’ve clung to the promise in Christ there is no condemnation.

Romans 8:1

It was that very promise I shared with my girl when she too was buckling beneath the enemy’s harsh shouts. We laid in her bed and I spoke truth over her. I reminded her she is known and loved by the God who forgives as far as the east is from the west. And I watched as He slowly began the transformation in her heart.

Hard conversations can lead to hard decisions.

She made a few really hard decisions. Not because she wanted to — because she needed to. She gave up activities she loves in order to focus on the One who is love. I’ve watched as God has pruned away people who drew her away from Him. And it is still hard.

But there is a light inside her I haven’t seen in a long time. Don’t get me wrong, she’s still a 16-year-old girl and the hormones and sassy mouth and eye rolls continue to make regular appearances. But there’s something more too … A contentment and peace is settling deep inside her heart and soul. 

And it’s changed our conversations. We still talk about hard stuff like boys and social media and how God allows hard seasons for His purpose. But the conversations aren’t nearly as hard … in fact, there are days when they are really good. And I see this glimpse of the person He is making her and I remember it takes all our lives to become who He intends. But He is working in her and in her momma. And it is good, y’all. It really is.

We still talk about hard stuff like boys and social media and how God allows hard seasons for His purpose. But the conversations aren't nearly as hard ... in fact, there are days when they are really good. And I see this glimpse of the person He is making her and I remember it takes all our lives to become who He intends. But He is working in her and in her momma. And it is good, y'all. It really is.

Keep talking to your kids! Keep having those hard conversations … because it’s those very conversations that open the door for the really good ones that come later.

Keep having those hard conversations with your kids! Click To Tweet

xo,

Teri Lynne

I’m sharing one a recent conversation my girl and I had about dating over on Mothers of Daughters today. You should check it out because my girl is pretty dad gum awesome and she is sharing some great truth and encouragement.

A conversation with my 16-year-old daughter about dating || Teri Lynne Underwood on MothersOfDaughters.com

And for all you girl moms, please check out Prayers for Girls!

Related:

Prayers for Girls LIVE discussion about being a work in progress.

5 Truths about Love I Want My Girl to Know

One of my favorite Dear Weary Mom posts … when we have to just dig in!

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