Building Him Up

We’ve been discussing submission for the past few days … and I’ve been asking myself this simple question, “What if submission simply begins with being polite?”

Though it’s a simple question, it’s not simple to live.  The chaos of raising a family, managing finances, and a busy calendar can often push common courtesy away.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”  Ephesians 4:29

Building up … Do the words I speak to and about my husband build him up? Am I saying (or writing) things that would cause any question about his character?  Is my tone speaking life into his spirit or condemnation?  Are my words helpful to my husband?

I imagine our friend Mrs. P31 understood well how frustrating life with another human could be … I can’t believe that her marriage was without any sort of conflict at any time nor that she never felt he didn’t understand.  But she made a choice … a choice to submit to him and to build him up in all things.  And her reward was this:

“Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.  She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”  Proverbs 31:11-12

Ladies, part of that bringing him good, a large part!, is what we say, how we say it, and to whom we say it! Elizabeth George offers such wise counsel in her book, A Woman’s High Calling (a MUST READ for everyone, in my humble opinion).  In her chapter on marriage, she encourages all women to daily pray, praise, and pamper their husbands.  {This is a challenge I have embraced – and I confess I’m far better at praying and praising than I am at pampering!  But it’s my desire.}

I close today with these words from my well-worn copy of that book, words I underlined:

To  respect a husband means actively demonstrating and showing high regard for him in ways that all can see.  A wife’s esteem and admiration for her husband should always be on display, on parade, so that no one can miss it.  Such respect encompasses all of things – both little and large – that she does to create a visual expression of love. (128, emphasis added)

In ways that ALL can see … beginning with him, extending to your children, outward to your friends and community, and even here in this online world.

Are the words you speak to and about your husband courteously reverent?  Do they build him up or tear him down?

Related Posts:
What if?
Practical Submission
Submission:  Mind and Mouth

FYI:  Link to Elizabeth George’s book is an affiliate link through Amazon.  Should you purchase this book, I’d receive a small commission.
All Scripture references in this post are from the New International Version of the Bible

Read the Psalms this summer with Scripture Dig!


  1. Amen! I cringe when I hear a woman speak poorly of her husband. And it's often masked in inappropriate teasing toward him or about him.

    I am filled with praise for my husband and I am especially conscientious to speak praises about him to my children, and I know my husband does this as well about me. It's such a little thing that has a great impact on how they view us and speak to us, and I know it will affect how they speak to their spouses. Sadly, I have heard boys and men call their mother "stupid" because they grew up hearing their father speak of her in those words.

  2. I couldn't agree more. I am constantly praying to God that I use the right words when I speak to my Husband. That I guard my tongue and temper. I've been blessed with a wonderful Husband. I agree with Shelli, how we need to watch how we speak about each other infront of our children and others in general. They learn so much from just watching us. Wonderful post, so glad I stopped by from iFellowship today.

  3. Great reminder today. In my quiet time today I am thinking of Proverbs 31 too- about opening my mouth with wisdom and having the law of kindness on my tongue.

  4. Excellent post Teri Lynne. Lately especially, I've been looking for extra ways to build Gregg up. His work environment has turned very ugly and stressful. I feel like when he comes home I need to do and say as much as possible to let him know how much we love him and appreciate him and all he does for us. It's important to remember that our words are a reflection of what is in our hearts, even in our joking/sarcasm we need to be very careful. There really is great truth to the old saying, "If you can't say anything nice…".

  5. Just found your blog and thank you for sharing your heart and a great reminder.
    I look forward to following you.Have a great day!

  6. Funny you mention this! WE took dh's new commander to the airport with his wife about a month ago. She kept putting him down. This was the first time I had met both of them and dh had just met him a day or so earlier for a little bit. Dh and I just looked at each other after we let them off, and he said "I'm so glad you don't do that. He probably felt like crawling under the seat."

  7. Thanks for the reminder. A praised husband is a wonderful sight and the knock on effects it can have in family life is priceless.

  8. Again, you and I are on the same page..I stink at pampering my hubby- need to work on that. Thanks for the reminder!

  9. Thank you for sharing this. It is never easy, but what a blessing to honor our husbands! I often fail at this in front of our kids more than anytime else. I am working on making sure my words are honoring, loving, and respectful despite my hurt feelings or unmet expectations. I certainly don't live up to his. So I need to show the grace I need to the one I love!


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