When We Disagree

It happens in every marriage.  Sometimes it is something silly but sometimes it is something significant.   He sees the situation one way, she sees it another.  That’s real life, y’all … and our marriages, our Christian marriages, are not immune from disagreement.

But how does submission work into that?  The struggle we all have, huh?  I can’t even count how many blog posts I’ve read concerning this type of thing.  Because it’s a big deal!  As we grow in our faith and as we desire to apply biblical teaching, submitting when we disagree can be (and often is) a monumental hurdle to overcome.

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 1 Peter 3:1-2 NIV
The same goes for you wives:  Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs.  There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. 1 Peter 3:1-2 The Message

Yes, this passage is specifically written to women whose husbands are unbelievers.  If you are living in that situation please know that I realize your struggle in this area can be even more significant!  I’ve written about righteous submission to an unrighteous man before … and hope that those words might be an encouragement to you.

But for the rest of us, I believe there are some truths we can glean from these verses as well.   There are times when we are on “different pages” spiritually than our husbands. The road to maturity is walked out uniquely by each believer and there are times when we may have the greater insight into a particular situation.  And there are going to be those moments when we are right and he is not.


This verse speaks to that!!  “They may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.”  Peterson says, they may be “captivated by your life of holy beauty.”

When we disagree – and we will! – we need to remember this:  Words matter, but attitudes matter more. Our submission, our courteously reverent behavior, will point to God … and isn’t that really the point?

I challenge you to ask yourself this question the next time you and your husband disagree: Is it more important for him to agree with me or to seek God?

Ladies, we can win the battle but lose the war!  And it. is. not. worth. it. Period.

Submissive love begins with with simple courtesy – being polite. And being polite doesn’t push or demand.  Being polite gives grace, speaks kindly, and pursues one mind.

There is a courtesy of the heart; it is allied to love.  From it springs the purest courtesy in the outward behavior. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

How will you disagree?

Read the Psalms this summer with Scripture Dig!


  1. I've been pondering on this for a while, my husband why he has a belief in God he has no desire to turn to him, but as he has watched me grow in faith I have found him coming to church without being asked and taking on board the pastors words. I hope that he will see in me the life he wants for himself a life with Jesus

  2. I love this statement Teri Lynne "Is it more important for him to agree with me or to seek God?" If only we thought about this more when we are in the middle of a disagreement. Thanks for the thoughts to ponder this morning.

  3. I've read this three times today and have found something new that impacts me each time. It is more important to "win the war" than anything else.

  4. My husband I have little phrases that we insert into our disagreements that help us find hope in the middle of not agreeing!! Things like "I love you, and I know we're going to work this out" (then continue working it out)..

    It really helps calm things down and show mutual respect and love in the middle of something difficult!

    Thanks for these great words Teri Lynne!

  5. So convicting… again… 😉 Will you be my personal counselor?? Lol Hubby and I have many things we do not see eye-to-eye on these days… I must confess I am not very polite or kind during the disagreements these days. I need to take your words to heart and pray that he seeks God more than that he comes around to my point of view!

  6. I decided when I married this man that I would do my level best to obey all the Lord's commands concerning marriage. When we disagree and I submit to his decision – he is just as likely to go with my choice as he is to go with his own. I often wonder if this is how God planned it when He designed the roles for husbands and wives. We don't realize the same result when I become the many opposites of "submissive".

  7. Our hearts are on the same page, Teri Lynne. Yes, we WILL disagree, but I love what you said: "Words matter, but attitudes matter more." Thanks for linking this to Marriage Mondays and sharing the wisdom.

    ~ Julie

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