I didn’t want to write this post. In fact, I’ve avoided it for longer than I’d care to admit. But here’s the thing, my stomach hurts over this. I have agonized and prayed and wept for hours … because marriage is seriously under attack! Over the past few years, twenty marriages of people we know have either ended in divorce or come dangerously close.

For every year we have been married, the marriage of someone we know has ended.

I recently read a popular blogger’s explanation for her divorce and it sounded so familiar to what I have heard countless times as a pastor’s wife. “We changed.” I don’t want to minimize the agony that goes into the decision to separate a bond God intends to last forever. Because, believe me, I know that agony. I really do.

Marriage is a sacred covenant, not just between a man and a woman, but even more importantly between each of us and God. Marriage is not a one and done promise … it’s an every day pursuit.

And sometimes, one person stops the pursuit. Sometimes, the promise is broken. And sometimes the mess can’t be cleaned up, no matter how much the people involved want it to be.

So, please, hear me clearly: This isn’t about divorce or adultery or any of the countless rabbit trails we could end up traveling.  This post is about how we, as wives, can invest in our marriages. This isn’t a formula for success or a promise of a long life together. Instead, it’s an invitation to you.

This is an invitation to look at yourself and make some honest assessments. If I have learned anything, it’s this — I can’t change anyone else. But I can change me. And the same is true for you.  These three investments are more about you than they are about your husband. They’ll reveal your heart and your motives and your struggles. But they’ll also reveal your devotion and your focus and your love.

Three Ways to Invest in Your Marriage

1. Support your husband.

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.  Proverbs 31:10-12

Does your husband know you are on his team? Are you actively encouraging him to be the man God created him to be?   When God created Eve, he identified her as a helper for Adam.  We need to be supportive of our husbands, helping them.  My desire is have the epitaph of my role as a wife be that I brought Scott good, not harm, all the days of his life.

2. Speak graciously to your husband.

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.  Proverbs 25:24

Far too often I hear women speak to and about their husbands as if he were one of their children.  In no way does this honor him, their marriages, or the Lord. In fact, this can be one of the most damaging things we do to our testimony.  Yes, there will be times when you disagree and even when he is wrong.  But I’ve learned it never benefits my marriage to demean my husband, in conversations with him or with others.   {For more on this idea, please read 10 Ways to Speak Well of Your Husband.}

3. Savor your marriage.

Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe.  Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.  Proverbs 5:18-19

Okay, you had to know it was coming — physical intimacy matters! These verses are written to men, but what if we applied them to our role as wives.  I think they’d read a little like this:

You are a blessing to your husband, you, the wife of his youth.  Let him delight in you, in your body.  Let him enjoy you and be enamored with you and find you attractive. 

I know, it’s not easy.  We don’t feel attractive.  But what if we determined to see ourselves through our husbands’ eyes … to accept the compliments … to be open to his touch and his desire?  Go ahead, savor your marriage.

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Right now, I know of at least two women who fighting hard for their marriages. I’ve cried with them and prayed over them. And I ache for them. These aren’t easy discussions with simple solutions. And we, as Christians, are not helping those who are in the trenches battling when we oversimplify or offer meaningless platitudes.

If you know someone who is in this situation, may I encourage you to speak truth over her?And if you know someone who is ready to walk away, will you have the boldness to speak to her also? Remind her of God’s love for her, of His passion for marriage, of His delight in our obedience. And this, LISTEN. Hear the aches and sorrow. Acknowledge the failures and frustrations. There are plenty of others who will be more than happy to assign blame, cast stones, and give unsolicited advice. How about being the person who doesn’t betray the confidence, the one who listens and loves — whether you agree or not?

Maybe, just maybe, what more people need is someone to show them the merciful and generous love of God, someone willing to speak the truth in humble love, and someone who will walk alongside them in the valley. Truthfully, I can’t imagine anything that would please the Father more than for one of His daughters to be that someone.

xoxo,

Teri Lynne

Recommended Resources:

31 Verses to Pray for Your Marriage

#MarriagePrayers: 31 Verses to Pray for Your Marriage

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